Disqualified

I had a rough week.

It was good in the sense that we made progress on the sale of our home, the weather was great, no major mishaps, and the house was relatively …. clean.  I guess that means I have no right to complain; that I ought to be thankful for the good things that happened this week, but in fact I was discouraged, anxious and I hate to say it… very difficult to live with.  I hope this doesn’t disqualify me as a missionary.

I wrestled with the “what ifs.”  I complained when the buyers for our house wanted to do the inspection for our home on a day I wanted to do something else.  I stressed over school for the kids, how to anticipate our needs, and packing in this fast approaching interim stage.  I was a wreck.  I didn’t exactly put others before myself either.  Like I said, I hope this doesn’t disqualify me.

Thankfully, (and I really mean thankfully!) as the week wore on, we got through some of the tasks (cleaning for the inspection, for example), and my spirits lifted.

But today sealed the deal.  Rob and I were given the opportunity to share at Chapel Hill.  We shared at both services and were enormously encouraged by the many people that stopped by our spot in the narthex between services to offer support.  These were people of action!

The best part though, was the message.  I hope I’m not the only one who ever has the sense that a sermon or pastor’s message was specifically designed and implemented for me and me alone.  Perhaps others felt the same way in the room, but today … it was for me.  Anyway, Pastor made mention of my condition this week in a different light; that worry and anxiety are really a lack of faith.  That in our worries we fail to trust God.  We don’t believe what He says about us, nor do we believe what He says He will do.

Hmmm …. does this sound like good timing for anyone you know?  Umm … like me?

I know we will get to Swaziland.  No doubt in my mind we will get there and be apart of what God is doing.  I think my failure in faith made its bed in the day-to-day lists of stuff to do and in the timing of events.  I think the number one most difficult thing for me is not knowing when!  You know that planner types like me can only take so much limbo before we crack.

So I had a crummy week and it all changed with the bounty of encouragement and the faith building sermon, but it got me thinking about all the folks that are sending us.  Do you have faith “for” us?  In other words, do you have the faith that we will be cared for, provided for and personally built and strengthened by our experiences soon to be fulfilled in Swaziland?

One of the most common questions we get from others inquiring about what we are doing is in regard to Rob’s 2-year leave of absence.  Believe me, we are grateful for the leave.  For sure it gives us and those who love us peace of mind.  I am not questioning if we should have it by any means, but rather wonder about the thinking behind the question.  Is it enough that God asked us to go? or do we (or any missionary for that matter) have to have the “back-up plan” before taking such a risk?

I hope you have faith “for” us and here’s why… That kind of faith is a result of fully believing God.  You not only believe in God and what He says He can do, but you also believe that indeed He has called us and therefore ALL … everything … every last detail … every matter from getting there, to serving there, and returning from there is completely and fully taken care of….

Even if we don’t see it yet.

In Faith,  Jennifer

PS.  Lots of people committed to the work today, with prayer and/or finances … were you one of them?  Hope to see you on the partner list soon!  Thank you so much for your support!

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One thought on “Disqualified

  1. I love you girl, and I sure hope you continue this blog once you get to Swaziland, because it is so uplifting and speaks to me every time. I got faith for you, girl. I KNOW God is going to do great things in you and through you. And thank you so much for your transparency. Believe it or not, but your ministry has already begun, just with your words, here on the home front. Blessings and love, Crystal

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